FlowerStar ~ A Yokut medicine man told my grandmother, "this is her Indian Name" when I was about 10-11 years old. ElamTseyatas is the Yokut way of saying FlowerStar! I am North American Yavapai, Apache, and Yokut.

~ Much Love & Respects ~
~ I hope you enjoy my page ~

♥ Dreams embraced by reality empower a dreamer beyond any fulfilling darkness of sleep amongst the universe ♥

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Unconditional Love ~ A Road Less Traveled

No matter who you are, where you come from, and the language of your people. If you are someone I haven't met face to face or through a man made invention. I'll benefit the notion you are one and only like no other.

No matter what ups and downs time has arrayed in regards especially for you. Whether fate presents bitter or better that is meant your way in your name. I will lend optimism an open mind because you are one amongst billions.

Deep in my heart a warm blessing to know you simply because you are you... Who matters being one with this world, and living life set apart uniquely like our ancestors did way back when happily.

Swiftly our place is made, but ever where we use to meet the rising sun beginning our day isn't any longer. Maybe fall soundly asleep wandering a dream waiting on time to call an wake again. All other rest is granted therefore never knowing this world madly denying what could have been, or joyfully sharing keepsake memories with our loved ones these we fulfill no more.

A road less traveled, only walking a life lived by me. Often I graze proudly while fear holds no space deep within. Ultimately empowering my individuality. A hard life sure I admit plus painful to boot. Shame, is what I saw you thought preyed over me inside and out too huh. The price of course crept heavy burden oddly never minding my head, so here I wept and cried. Nevertheless a thrill ever so mellow balanced a mystery.

The walk my life came from this above I knew, and do value wondrously. Yes I understand one day my life I love will bring a new way unexpectedly.

My childhood treasures remember my gramma with her love and devotion. From this grand woman I learned what love is solely about. Seeing her gentle way I witnessed by my very eyes. Her sweet breath released not a sound underlining neither each dark night, nor every sunny day. For my gramma I adored paying admirable attention aside from my shortened electro mind. Later mesmerized in my find of a soulful foundation she powerfully bound down inside. I am to my grams in everlasting debt undoubtedly. With my immeasurable heart I wisely tend as she passed to me so beautifully. Without any doubt a feeling of floating within seems like a rare out of body experience extraordinaire.

Wholeheartedly indeed, my childish idea of love I graciously felt was but basic consideration which fondly stayed close in all of me.

If we met eye to eye, face to face, or hand in hand. A high chance may lay waiting for you specifically. In fact be kind, thus "enlightenment" only comes to those whose patience instills heartfelt truth you shall not miss undeniably.

If you, I have met misguided at least once. You are set to go without this I pompously state. Every one's destiny moves foward accordingly.

To abide such love in people suddenly seldom moments beg to throw asunder. I held love dear to everyone that didn't do what had strangely been done already.

Giving people a chance to express themselves without "they" dealing cards cast on a crooked bet. Inevitably the worst did happen up close right in front.

Why - because blasphemous delusional twisted lies and lies flew around the wind harshly. An image in no way shape or form was the least of any that wasn't to confront me personally. How I am boosting thank you, my life has repeatedly routed this way.  "The power" welcomes my walk of life that isn't pumpkin pie that's why! What else can I say?

I surely do "catch on fast". The ones who sought my name to use in everything slandered thereafter in vein. Whisk whisk sickened lies prepared and caked. Hesitance kept no tear I would smear time after time. Goodness my walk of life didn't impersonate was and is never faked.

The same was yesterday as it is today. I would tell you bluntly my side of the story and where it went awry. Also in different ways so if need be you can understand for yourself someday.

An early dream of mine, I was standing in the west among complete darkness facing two wolves. In the east two wolves; one, two, three, and four blood shot eyes flared staring straight into me as their kill. Instinctively this I could feel. Side by side, a growl wasn't heard through the two, and their gnashing fangs ready to maul were waiting to get ahold of me. Clearly I could see.  Drawing a lukewarm vision to dwell yet my future came to hold from people deceivingly.

Love granted my past, present, future, and slowly but surely defeating two wolves.  Truth and honesty brought attention to my life being scattered abroad.  My shattering realization  added many years I grew and binded into with these two. Communing my young abundant spirit from vision to vision. Two wolves infamously shared themselves a taste eternally left to silence and wonder.

Wind between my teeth that might turn ramblings my future will definitely not regret. Jealousy by you know who. Who doesn't ever seemingly grasp the whole reality by leaving any realm without imaginatively soothing me. It's true we both know the whole story, and still she never thanked me.

Like a sore thumb stretched out hoping a blind man would stop to pick up a lift. A place fast to hide as you stray from consequence. Reasons for your uncontrollable narrow minded hypocrisy. That be horrible if a person as this kept score, then you should dam well know a fall is all your awaiting for.

I'm not bothered any bit of how people look to my mind, body, or soul. What is bothersome, my years long enough endured and can't get through from here on my end across there. Ignorance desperately ignores my point earthed to  tell what is not from them. Everything new they're flattered too, and day after day don't forget their wish list fantastically expressed emotionally.
Easier said than done!!! Aint it?

Someday near, balance may appear as a rude awakening humbly towards you and passed me. Hopefully gather this to understand who you aren't truthfully!
Don't be so naive.

It's got nothing to do with the gates of heaven or the ferocious flames in hell. That a few claim I've been put down by someone, something, or positively otherwise fictitiously unknown.

If you are one who doesn't get what I say now, or after this I spare. Your q is this instance, so go and reflect amongst yourself what exactly it is you summon.

My beliefs remind me these days as it was said, "this world we are born is wicked and none worthy therein." Tho I whisper, "shit, there is nothing I can do", but life goes on in what form?

What I fend my favor so people can hear what I say, watch while I talk away, and at least give em' some shot in the dark that can help any this idea made believable to whom pays carefully. Yay or nay.

I make choices on behalf of no one, nor lead none to change beliefs or themes. Definitely would lay what I may on the line for who? To pick and choose...

Patience swept my rocky past atop solemn grounds. Certainly a deed gone on so long subtly lept into my quiet shy second nature.

In peace may I say, a walk in utmost concern literally putting   up a bout for my well being everyday.

In the name of love a fight is meaningless for keeps... What is readily mine is mine. Reward the life I walk openly.

...because of love I am able to accept the image bestowed on me upon the sight of time, and by supernatural I am able to understand why I walked in balance when there was no one to see but me.
As a river amidst natural beauty begins, and streams away in ever flowing ends

I embrace the existence of spirit, supernatural, dreams, and visions. Love is my reminiscence back to a young child when my grams taught me. This life I do in and outwardly love my "great" journey.

Dreams I travel along my destined direction, always in awe the way I find myself through, people who never knew they were seen too, dreams that spoke when no other would, and dreams that tell me about everything you couldn't think of.

My passion as a dreamer I truly believe. Beyond any pulse mine own life can fulfill even on a wild note.
 

Love spurs endless greetings my welcome made to those I haven't yet been introduced, or boldly written in the walk of life my ways have chosen without sense saying.

Each ounce honesty may devour I savour fruit not from taste, but my gift of life I cherish thankfully. An offering of undying respect praising my Creator.




~ Much Love & Respects ~
FlowerStar





























Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A Thought to You From Me

A pretty peaceful night for the most. What I thought was going to be a good night instead am left with a headache wishing it wasnt cold so I could make my way outside for a bit.  I guess I can lay low for few and turn up the babble...

I dont know about anyone else but I sure do love the direction I am in.  It can be a joy to have a grasp on the ideal thought of life for peace of mind.  I am sure life is much more sweeter to hold in my hand the knowledge I am grounded and ready for anything headed for me.
 
I never was fearful growing up but I honestly say there have been times where I couldnt see to far away.  Even that at its worst in my case, it was just over some years I found myself understanding everything that put me in a not knowing place. I will say with pride I walked all that way by myself in my head, with this I end up slapping myself in the face as I saw I was dead wrong all those times I spoke them words.  I may not have had anyone to turn to in those dreadful days I thought I was alone, but I came to realize I knew all along exactly what I was going through.  The hardships I faced were only hardships because I didnt understand like I always thought I did. 

In my very moment I accepted the fact that I had been living the complete opposite of what I made out I was able to see all I had dreamt of, and the pieces just started pulling together.  As time went on I saw life in a whole new light I chose to open up to.  A decision I am glad I never regreted throughout any of my so called hardships was that I was patient enough to not nut up on anyone.

All those years I pouted and threw fits turned out that I never needed to worry about anything because my answers were already in me.  I just had to stop and pay attention to what was in my heart and leave my mind be.  I think Ive gotten this far on my own, and I love to endulge in this... but my dreams tell me otherwise.  The shit I had to go through to learn there is nothing that can show me otherwise.  Nevertheless the only thing that changed during all that was my driving!

One thing I know about who I use to be is she was one wandering aimlessly in an illusion that is gone forever.  My way began then, and so now after all these years I feel it can only get better as I move on. 

My past has been a rough road, but it wouldnt have been a hardship if it wasnt in my head.  I guess it was the image they were looking for, and image is what they got.  As for me, I really would like to see what they are going to do with my image and then it is there I will know who I am. 

I hope everyone has beautiful dreams while in rest to keep you warm as I do ~  except you you and you... Nah Im joking! NOT:) ~ you know who you are ~

♥ Sweetdreams ♥








Tuesday, November 15, 2011

My Baby Brother ~ In Loving Memory

It has been over a year since I have lost my baby brother, and I still havent cried for him.  There were so many times when my eyes were ready to burst but a slight smear of what could have been a tear.
  I hope he knows the suffering I bore when he left me alone in this world.
  I went through pain I had never imagined existed.   
Silence came and gone as it pleased setting a black hole inside, digging in around where I thought only I was allowed, and sorrow made me crazy like a zombie fresh out of a snake pit.
  I know he is watching over me and all the people he goes on to love.
     Until the day we meet, I shall be thinking of you always.  Patiently I wait to create precious memories once more.  In the mean time we will learn to cope while you are there and I am here.  By the thought of your smile fills my heart with warmth as a virgin sun on a early sunny morning at dawn.  May your new found journey in life be one that will take you places that last forever.  As the wind blows on any day north or south may the breeze embrace your spirit in love, kindness, understanding, and strength.  Take with you what you will for safe travels and sustenance as the family you left behind is in need to get by without having you here.
  Just never forget everywhere you go, you are the one who taught me what is to be learned from death.  A lesson I cherish dear to my life embodies. 
Upon death we move foward so change from this life surely takes to begin our being.  Death shall hem and seem all that is meant to fold together in perfect harmony.  Sewing and binding a new you will come to know then soon uncover.
Only I can pray someday your brotherly love wont ever fade away.  Only I can wish you dont leave my side through these few moments balance draws near its final race.  Only I can dream you will endure no more foolish lies ignorance has spread like wildfire.  Only I can envision my shadow swiftly following me back again.  Only I can tell you the road ahead may be paved or may be bumpy, but its the way our walk of life tells a true story.



Monday, November 14, 2011

Hello

    Hello fellow people... today something happened this morning and changed the whole layout of my day.  In this time it was nothing that brought my spirits down, but definately out.  A sort of altering my innards unexpectedly.  I must say that aside from my feeling overpowered, I went along for the ride with ease thinking it was going to be no different than any other time I sent greetings and thanks to people who may take a second to give a shit. With no consequence to settle my silence on a harsher note,  for speaking exactly what I was feeling simultaneously in what will later make me look back twice and wonder.
    When I logged into my twitter account I saw I had two new followers so I opened their profile pages to see what I can learn about them from their information.  Out of what eggs me on to find in peace daily, I felt it was simply courteous that I decided to thank my new followers for following me, and seeing for myself I sent in good thoughts.
The idea came to me that I was a bit baffled by the two times Matt Darey had followed me.  Not fully understanding if it was a glitch or what not.  I wanted to thank him for following me twice to let him know I will always be a big fan no matter what.  Few minutes later I get a reply from Matt Darey telling me I am his biggest fan! Once I read that, nothing was going to stop me from telling him why I was his biggest fan. A once in a lifetime chance to spill my fan loyalty to the one and only who puts music in my life that allows me to see my dreams etc.. in a way that is fn awesome.  I couldn't let my words slip out of reach so I waisted no time.  Somewhat embarrassingly in 10 tweets over the course of 5 hours I did just that, and ultimately changed the person I have been for past 23 years of my life.
The more I went on and on sounding like an obsessive freak, I realized that there was so much going on when I look down into my heart! 
This is the exact place where Matt Darey changed my life... I had never been the type to express heartfelt thoughts and feelings on the public internet, straight out to my loving family, and moreso towards friends as I broadcasted on twitter.  I am open about my life experiences, but hardly put in my own words what I believe is my so called knowledge or wisdom for beloved willing readers. 
 I could share my life experiences in happiness, sorrow, pain, darkness, light,  dreams, visions, honesty, beauty, mystery, love, and yes I would most definately express a belief or two from my Native American people through a blog, and again I never thought I could muster an attempt. Overall spare my side of the story in what I know as my walk of life.
I am not a professional writer nor did I go to college, university or work as a writer in my past but I'm giving my blog a chance as an amateur also as one who believes my thoughts and ideas are one of a kind.  Like me!!! Much Love & Respects!